Hey guys! Yup, I’ve been on hiatus again. What happened?
F*** 2020.
In all seriousness, 2020 hasn’t been that bad. Just a lot of crazy twists, turns, good times, and soul crushing pain.
Recently I’ve been busy with Christmas baking, a trip with my best friend, and a messy breakup. I’ve tried starting about five posts and got bored with each of them quite quickly.
Am I squirrel? (That was supposed to be “Am I a squirrel”. Upon realizing my typo, I decided to leave it though because it accidentally fits so perfectly.)
Bob: *peaks into existence* We already knew that.
Me: Whatever, just go away.
*Bob backs out into nonexistence*
I did want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope it was full of lots of love, peace, and joy. I was sick most of my Christmas with horrific stomach cramps and an upset stomach. I wasn’t able to eat a full meal for like three days and I couldn’t stop falling asleep. I did have a good time with my family though.
And no, this greeting is not late. Over here in the sort-of-practicing-Catholic-arena, we celebrate until February 2nd. Let me rephrase that, in the sort-of-practicing-Traditional-Catholic-arena, we celebrate until February 2nd.
That seemed like a lot more trouble than it was worth to type out. Geez, Ms. Perfectionist.
It’s actually really nice to not have to be finished with Christmas right away after the holiday. Means I get to wait more than a month before I have to take down all the decorations.
THANK THE LORD FOR THAT.
So what’s going on in my life right now?
A LOT.
Well, sort of.
More like I’ve got a lot I want to do in my life and just don’t know where to start. And that leads me to New Year’s Resolutions because those are coming up.
I’m actually super excited for New Years this year because I get to spend New Year’s Eve with a couple of awesome friends! I think the idea is to hang out until midnight and welcome in the new year with a bang. What better way to kick out 2020 and welcome in 2021 then with good friends? 2021 can’t be bad if that’s how we start it, right?
RIGHT?
So I mentioned I was going through a difficult break up, and even though he’s moved on, I’m still conflicted on so many levels. My initial goal for 2021 after that was not to be single on Valentine’s day for the first time ever – I’ve kind of gotten tired of being alone. But then I got to thinking.
Sure, relationships are nice. They also cause me undue amounts of stress and anxiety that I currently can’t control and don’t know the root causation. Sooooo, maybe it’s time to just shelf that desire for the time being.
Do I probably have a really bad defense mechanism firing off in self preservation? Yeah, most likely, but hear me out.
Scratching that goal off and crumpling it up, here are my real goals for 2021.
- Form a schedule for my blog and fill it with good, well thought out content
- Build my Twitch persona and create an active audience
- Start my YouTube channel and create original, entertaining content to wow an audience
- Get back to my writing and work hard on worldbuilding for my fantasy series
So lets break it down, cause this is a lot to fit into one year especially with the motivational and anxiety struggles I have.
The biggest problem I’m going to have is getting my YouTube channel off the ground. Especially because I don’t even know what kind of content I’m planning on creating. I also have the limitations of money, time, and manpower. Whatever I create will have to be done almost solely on my own and with a webcam or maybe my ancient camera.
Lets be honest, who wants to watch videos of a mildly entertaining young adult in front of a camera not really doing anything that interesting?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
But who knows, I’m creative (Ha), I’m sure I’ll think of something (Double ha ha).
I’m taking my time right now and trying to figure out what kind of content sells on YouTube. You’d be amazed at what you find.
So I ran across this YouTube personality called Mr. Beast at Christmas. You might have heard of him. He’s a 22 year old (Yup, you heard that right), content creator and millionaire who likes to pull off crazy stunts and make YouTube videos out of them. He’s known for donating thousands of dollars to charities and just random people.
He has almost 50 million subscribers on YouTube alone.
I was reading an article about him the other day and his rise to fame.
Turns out he was determined to learn how to decode the YouTube algorithm (What makes some videos get more views then others) and applied himself to it full time.
The best part?
He went viral because he made a video of himself counting to 100,000.
It’s the simplest and dumbest thing you could imagine, and he went viral off it.
Take a look.
By observing the tips and tricks of other famous YouTubers, I’ve learned a few things.
- Titles are Everything
- Content isn’t everything
- Catchy thumbnails are a must
- Edit wisely
- Build a community
- Inspire your audience or just do dumb s*** that catches their attention
On that last one, seriously, just check out some Mr. Beast videos and you’ll see what I mean.
For real.
I know I’ve got a lot more to learn, but I feel like this is a good start. My biggest problem right now is getting my a** off the couch and getting out there and creating. My YouTube career isn’t going to start without a s*** ton of effort and that requires actually, ya know, getting up.
For blogging, I really want to start getting you guys more quality content, not me giving myself therapy and talking about my problems and shitty life. One of my biggest goals is to inspire my audience, and you don’t do that by talking about what’s going wrong all the time. Seriously, this isn’t a pity party.
So what am I going to do? I’m going to apply myself!
*cries in distant jibberish*
Did I mention I have motivational issues?
None of the goals I have for 2021 are easy in any way and they will all require a lot of effort and hard work. And I think that’s important for me to have. I’m 22 and I’ve done LITERALLY nothing important with my life. I’ve had my dreams for years, but I’ve never reached for them because no one told me I could do it. And I’ve realized, with every small step I take towards success, I get closer every time to making my dreams a reality.
It doesn’t take one big step to stardom, it takes a lot of little steps. Lots of little choices you have to make every day to get up and get to work.
So that’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to get up and out there and work to build my life so I have good content to share with you. Whether it’s funny cooking experiences, gaming reviews, writing shenanigans, or just stupid improv that makes me laugh.
I want to entertain you guys and inspire you with my journey so that you can reach for your own dreams and goals, even if you just need a small push to get a remodeling project done or finish an essay.
Twitch is a beast.
It’s hard. Really, really, really f***ing hard to build yourself up on Twitch.
While I’m certainly doing much better then I initially thought I would, I’m still a long way from being where I want to be. And I’ve realized one of the potential reasons for that.
I’m not entertaining.
I mean, sure, I can be entertaining when I’m writing, or when I’m with friends and feeding off the chaotic energy, or when I’m sleep deprived. But put me in front of a camera and tell me to play a game and I’ll freeze up and make lost faces like Lindsey Stirling in her videos (I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I love you, Lindsey).
Point in fact, I suck at streaming.
My solution?
I’m going to try improv.
Let me point this out right now. I can’t act. I stress myself out trying to remember lines that I forget how to act natural or even what I’m supposed to be doing. And of course, both my brothers took acting lessons and did great at it, but noooooo, I never had that option.
I also have an ongoing problem with making fun of myself or being okay looking like an idiot in front of people, but I’m working on it. Somehow it’s tied with all the mental trauma stuck in my head, hence the reason I have a therapist. That poor woman.
At some point though, I’m going to try improv classes, or even a self guided one. Something to bring out the humor and entertaining side of me better. I know it’s in there, I just don’t know how to bring it up at the snap of my fingers.
The last big project I’m supposed to work on in 2021 is my writing.
I haven’t brought it up much in the past, but I’m currently working on a fantasy book series that has grown to somewhere around thirty books in the last seven years. This beast of a project has been my baby for as long as I can remember. And every year it just keeps growing and growing.
The only problem is that it’s gotten so chaotic I can’t remember what I’m doing with it anymore. I can’t even start writing any of the books because they’re so interconnected with each other. I have some serious world building I need to do and some organizing.
I’ve put off taking too much time with this project because the best content in it has been when I let it grow naturally. The only problem is that I’d be lucky to finish the whole series by the time I’m seventy at this rate. It’s time to stop playing around.
I’m bound and determined to get these novels off the ground. I think the stories are important enough that they need to be written, and no one else is going to do that for me. Plus, I just really want to be published.
So where does not wanting a relationship fit into all this?
To be fair, it makes more sense in my head, and it also isn’t that important (Maybe I’m just convincing myself at this point), but writing about it is also my therapy, so here goes.
(Author’s Note: it was about this point in my last five scrapped posts that I stopped writing and realized what I was saying really didn’t need to be said or was just not that important. So cheers for finally getting past that point. Woot woot!)
Finding someone who is going fit with the schedule and lifestyle I’m creating for myself and still being attractive to me would be downright unlikely if not impossible.
Free time may very well be a commodity to me in 2021, you’re also talking about the girl who works the weekends and then proceeds to spend the rest of the week working for herself.
Can we also talk about the stress relationships cause me? For, like, no reason whatsoever? I know, it doesn’t make sense, so why put the effort into something that I’m not ready for right now? I’ve got years ahead of me for that. My window for stardom is small though. My young adult years may well be the only time where I can reach my dreams.
So my New Year’s resolution is to spend my time on myself. On the things I want to do and the dreams I’ve been denied my whole life. The next time someone tells me I can’t or it won’t work out or I can’t support myself, I want to turn around, look them straight in the eye, and say:
No, you’re wrong. And I’ll prove you wrong.
I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing right now though if it wasn’t for my brother paying 90% of the bills. I’m very blessed in that respect. Someday I’ll be able to pay him back. Sadly today is not that day though.
But yeah, that’s what I’m excited for in 2021.
What about you guys? Anyone have any fun New Year’s resolutions? Fun plans? Etc? Comment below if you have an impossible dream you’re reaching for this year.
P.S. Whoever has been clicking on the ads on my website, thank you. I’m kind of broke right now and the pennies I’m earning will add up someday to where I can actually cash out the minimum $100 I need. And to those of you who hate the ads, I’m so sorry. We artists have to make our living somehow though.
I'm 22 and Living Now 