I’ve Been on Hiatus

Hello everyone!

Sorry about the hiatus. My life has been a mess recently.

To sum it up:

My mom had a stroke after getting hit in the neck by one of her sheep.

She got rushed to the emergency room and then sent up to a hospital 40 miles away in an ambulance. It wasn’t until I visited her that I found out she was in the ICU. Thankfully she didn’t have a damaged artery like the doctors first thought, but she is going to have lasting difficulties with her speaking and writing.

Yes, ewe. I hate ewe.

I haven’t talked to or seen my boyfriend in over a month.

His dad sent me an ultimatum telling me not to come near his son until further notice. I haven’t heard a thing from anyone since then. I don’t know what is going on and frankly my heart is breaking. Thinking about him hurts. I feel like I’ve been through every stage of grief and loss in the past month.

I moved at the beginning of last month.

Yeah, that’s about what it felt like.

Moving sucks….

I also started a new job.

Dish washing is hard work, but I do really love my job and I work with some awesome people. I also terrorize a few of them. 😉

I’ve finally started therapy.

This was a huge step for me. I started the process a year ago but never finished it. I’ve been needing this for years and so far it has been going well. I enjoy my therapist and I think she is a good fit for me and what I need.

Honestly, after this last month, I don’t know how I’m still sane.

I’ve cried more than I care to admit.

There have been a few bright spots.

I have amazing friends and family members. There isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for me. They’ve been there for me, stood by me, held me when I cried, laughed when I did, and encouraged me.

Heck, just the other day, a friend and I spent a good 20 minutes carrying on a joke about a video game character. I haven’t laughed that much in ages and I’ve never seen her laugh that hard. Himbo is a hilarious word. 😀

A couple days ago, I checked my email for this blog after a month of ignoring it and ran across a private message. Completely oblivious to the name, I opened it up. Turns out that after I wrote my post about my three favorite books, I got a personal message from the author of Toward the Gleam thanking me for my review of his book.

I was stunned beyond belief.

I’ve idolized T.M. Doran for years, besides Tolkien, he’s my favorite author. And to get a personal message from him? That was the most amazing feeling ever! I don’t think I’ve ever been that excited in my life.

Sitting in a quiet church always calms me.

There are some days when I realize how lucky I am to be Catholic; even if I do struggle with my faith. Prayer has been pretty much the only thing keeping me going and away from suicidal thoughts.

Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to go to Confession to an amazing priest. I know some of my dear readers are going to shy away from religion, trust me, I understand. I’ve had my own difficulties, everyone walks a different road. I’m sharing this from more of an emotional healing that I received.

Anyway, I’ve been to this priest for Confession once before, I left in tears. It wasn’t an easy Confession to make, but there was something moving and beautiful in it. I knew I wanted to come back.

God bless that man.

I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my mother, because of that, I’ve adored my father. He was so much easier to get along with. But in doing so, I ignored some of the ways he hurt me and left me with lasting scars.

Due to something I struggle severely with personally, this priest suggested to me that perhaps I had been hurt by my father and needed to forgive him. I had a father wound. He told me to prayer this prayer and insert into it whatever way my father may have hurt me.

In the name of Jesus, I forgive my father for ___.

How can something so simple have such a profound effect? Even sitting here writing this up now, I’m tearing up remembering. Even more so, I haven’t struggled with my problem as much since then. Resisting my own weakness has been easier.

Forgiveness has such a profound effect on the scars and hurts in our minds.

I forgive you and I pray for you every day.

This last month has been about forgiveness. I’ve had to forgive my mother, now my father. Even my boyfriend’s parents. I’ve forgiven them all. Friends who have hurt me, relationships that went South. I forgive you. Even though I won’t let you hurt me again, I still forgive you and I pray for you.

We’re all hurting in the end. All of us have wounds that don’t heal, but I’ve been blessed more than most with the tools to move on and heal. It’s never easy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing this hiatus, dear readers.

I’ve got some exciting new things coming your way though!

I’m planning on making an entrance into streaming video games and hopefully start up my YouTube channel, so keep an eye out for that. I have been struggling with a case of depression recently that has been making it difficult to focus and be motivated about anything, but I’m working on it.

I’ve also got some fun movie reviews coming out and hopefully an update to a fanfiction I haven’t worked on in a while. So keep your eyes peeled and stay tuned.

Till next time, my lovelies!

(Have you ever had to forgive someone who hurt you? What happened? How did you move on? I’d love to hear about your own experiences.)